How To Heal A Broken HeartFebruary 23rd, 2013 by Titilope Sonuga
As loudly as you need. Be dramatic. Think about your favourite romantic movie; the chance meeting, the inevitable conflict, that epic break up scene. Go to that place. Use up as much energy as you can because the more you can get out now the better. Girl, cry your eyes out. Forget about the advice columns that tell you about how to walk away gracefully or how to appear unaffected, because you are so affected. Even Edgar Allan Poe said, “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” Go there. Give yourself that one moment of absolute insanity. Do this now so you don’t have to stay up at night playing this scenario over and over in your mind, wondering what perfect combination of expletives would have sweetened the moment. Get it all out. Using up all that energy is good for you. Exhaust yourself, and then
Activate zombie mode. It is ok. Draw the blinds closed, get under your covers and sleep. Go to bed at 7pm if you need to, wake up at 3 in the afternoon. Unless of course you have a job, in which case you’re going to have to restrict this behaviour to outside the hours of 8am and 5pm, Monday to Friday. You get the idea. Turn off your phone. It can wait. Fight the urge to call everyone you know to recount the epic episode and what you did in number 1. We don’t need to go back to that place. What’s done is done. He can buy a new TV. Fight the urge to call him to remind him of the shoes he left at your place or his jacket still hanging in the closet. Fight the urge to ask him to come over to collect it. Do not prepare for his arrival. You will not be casually watching TV in your most flattering dress and 5 inch heels. You don’t look casual at all. Do not convince yourself that this is okay. Hang up on anyone that tries to tell you it is. Sleep. Get up only to bathe and
Who said ice cream isn’t food? Order take out. Pick up a birthday cake on the way home. It’s not your birthday, but no one needs to know that. Make a reservation for 1 at your favorite restaurant if you’re feeling brave. Put on your hoodie and sunglasses, find a quiet corner and eat, girl. Eat! Your steak will never leave you, that bread will never look at another girl. Stuff your face. Leggings have stretch. Maxi dresses are in. Sit in front of that plate. Go in.
It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to be coherent. Put something on the page to keep your hands busy. Put something on the page so you can read it a few months from now and laugh till you cry. Write because this is all you know for sure right now. Write. Write. Write.
You’ve given yourself some time for high drama. Bravo. It’s time to get outside, you stink. You really could use the fresh air. Maybe sign up for that acting class, you have lots of experience by now. Go for a walk, go for a swim, get your yoga pants on and get back on the mat. Go to the gym, because “the greatest revenge is a killer butt”. Wise words from a wise friend.
Put your clothes away. Do some laundry. If ironing is your zen state, then get to it. Get rid of the clutter. Clean up your space and clean up your heart. Delete. Recycle. Delete. His facebook. Yes. Twitter. Yes. Pictures. Yes. Instagram. Unfollow. Let go. Keeping track of his every update or activity will only remind you that life moves on. It always does. He pushed you to eating a birthday cake by yourself. Remember that. Save yourself the trouble and get clean. You may have to go back to number 1 for this one but do so in the quiet of your own home.
7. Say Yes.
When your friends ask you to check out that overpriced new club downtown. Say yes. Put on your favorite outfit. Yes, the one you were fantasizing about wearing in number 2. Now is a good time. Get pretty and go out. Go dancing, drink a little too much, laugh as loud as you can. Turn off your phone and give it to your designated driver with firm instructions not to return it to you till morning. Even if you beg. Even if you have a two-year old’s tantrum in the middle of the dance floor. You will laugh about it in the morning. Dance. Have a drink or two or ten. You are still beautiful and you should remember that tonight and any other night you need.
8. Do it.
Remember that trip you wanted to take? To another city, to another province, to another continent. Do it. Because life is short. Because you are single and you are free and because you can. Go. Make a plan. Put some money away. Take your time, then book that ticket or fill up your gas tank and go. Go with a friend. Go alone. Do it. When you are in a city thousands of miles from your empty bedroom, you will remember that the world is big and you are tiny drop in a big ocean. It is breathtaking to be a part of something so vast and powerful. You are powerful. In ways you hadn’t even imagined. Powerful enough to forgive without expectations, without conditions, without shame. Forgive him. Because you must. Because anything else would be swallowing poison. Let it go.
9. Move on.
It’s difficult to remember what it’s like to be single; to smile at someone else, to flirt casually. Take your time on this one. There’s a thin line between a sexy wink and a crazy twitch, but practice makes perfect. Accept that invitation to coffee. Go for drinks. Go for a movie, eat dinner, talk on the phone, go for a walk, enjoy the company and relax. Just like that, you are moving on. In the very least you are making new friends.
The heart like any muscle needs exercise to get stronger. Think of this as one epic work out. You’ve done some heavy lifting. Stay open. There is love everywhere and you are worthy of it. Do not be afraid to try again and to fail again and again. You must fall in love with yourself everyday and leave a little room for anyone brave enough to join you.