The Princess Monster Trucks of Poetry?

June 12th, 2013 by

Could these websites be the equivalent of Princess Monstertruck in poetry terms? Let’s go viral…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer limericks

Buffy was kick-ass and I’m sure there are times when in the dead of night you shoot up in bed, wildly thinking in panic ‘I can’t remember in which episode the Angel/Spike/Buffy triangle began’. Because that kind of thing happens to us all, right? Well, the world of fan-fiction is a murky place and spawns some real Frankenstein monster combinations such as… oh, I don’t know… an S&M version of Twilight. But it can also be a joyous day when you click through a link to find every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer written in limerick form.

William Shatner: Spoken Word App (‘Shatoetry’)

William Shatner’s spoken word app is pure genius to behold. Shatner has found many ways to capitalise on his gravelly tones. His version of Pulp’s ‘Common People’ was a raw and stripped back version of the song, lending potency to phrases such as ‘I took her to a supermarket’ with a gravitas rarely seen in the indie world. Shatner also took over the rap world with this smash ‘No Tears for Caesar’ featuring young hip-slinger Will (from Will and Grace) and Shatner reciting Shakespeare over a jazzy beat.

Shatner is now 82 but that hasn’t stopped him from entering the world of app-ing. Perfect for poets with a touch of stage fright, all you have to do is type in your rhyming couplets and Shatters does all the work. Finally, the world is ready to create its own Shatoetry. Catchy.

Sonnet 105 read by Al Pacino

Al might be best known for his intense turn in the Godfather trilogy, all tightly-clenched and gangster. Underneath this though lingers one of the worlds biggest Shakespeare fans. Al headed up the 1996 release ‘Looking for Richard’, a documentary ruminating on Shakespeare’s influence in the modern world and an analysis of the play Richard III. You can hear all Al’s pent up emotion in his rendition of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 105 here. We got shivers down your spine from the first syllable… Now, if only Shatner and Pacino would have a rap battle… The world would be a better place.

Poetry Assessor

Ooh, this is big. Poetry Assessor tells you if you have what it takes to make a ‘professional’ poem or merely an ‘amateur’ poem.

The website states: As an indication of how to interpret the placing of the poem on the scale, Sylvia Plath’s poem Crossing the Water scores 2.53 indicating that it shares more characteristics of a professional poem than an amateur poem. On the other hand, John Laws’ poem There are so many Things scores -2.05 indicating that it is closer to the amateur end of the spectrum.

Sucks to be John Law.

Of course, poetry shouldn’t be assessed on an algorithm – you need heart and soul to understand some inner workings of poetry. At least that’s what you tell yourself if a -2.05 comes out. Plus, this is fun to try and catch some of the stalwarts of poetry out and to poke at ancient rivalries once more: Wordsworth got 4.6 Coleridge got -0.1


Celebrity Poetry

This poem from Charlie Sheen’s collection ‘A Peace of My Mind‘ (see what he did there, he used a homonym) kind of speaks for itself.

Teacher, teacher, I don’t understand

You tell me it’s like the back of my hand

Should I play guitar and join the band?

Or head to the beach and walk in the sand?

On the other hand, he scored 1.6 on the Poetry Assessor. Charlie Sheen vs. Coleridge… let the battle begin ding ding ding.